Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Hold me together

Remember my heart attack scare back in May? Notice that I have been largely absent since?

Okay, so airing your medical issues on the web seems a little bit strange, and by nature I tend to keep these sorts of things pretty close to the cuff. But in this instance, if I tucked away and kept silent, I wouldn’t be giving God the glory.

He truly is a God of miracles.

And I’m gonna tell you why.

So just before Memorial Day I had this pseudo-heart attack and wound up in the ER with chest and arm pain, and a BP of 200/120. Yikes! They ended up running a gamlet of tests and sent me home scratching my head about why a 26 year old would have a sudden onslaught of symptoms more suited for middle age.

What they failed to notice on my labs was that my kidney function had plummeted. And with only one functional kidney to my name—long story—it’s pretty important that that one hold its own. At a follow up doctor’s visit, when my new doc discovered the slip, she freaked.

Turns out, my very unique kidney was to blame for it all. Poor little guy was falling behind and in return, by body jacked up my blood pressure to compensate. The only problem aside from the typical dangers of an elevated BP is—high blood pressure destroys your kidneys.

Are you following? This is a lot of medicine thrown at ya. Just channel some Grey’s Anatomy and we’ll all make it through.

Miserable weeks of tests and a cocktail of BP meds that made the room spin around like the Highland Fling any time I stood . . . and the results were not good.

Aside from the fact that I would have to be now and forever more a pill-popper, I was told that I’d probably need major surgery to avoid the future probability of a transplant, and that the surgery would be risky—there was only one doctor around who would even attempt it. 

That’s a lot to swallow right? But the hits kept coming.

I was told that it would be highly unlikely that I would be able to sustain another pregnancy. This one shifted the earth beneath my feet. Yes, I have two beautiful babies already, and I’m not trying to be greedy or ungrateful but this wrecked me.

Wrecked me because . . . I lost a baby on Easter, at the end of my first trimester. The still, lifeless sonogram . . . the palm sized child you only get to hold once. Let me just tell you, it’s like nothing you can imagine.

I was so heartbroken, I just barely existed for a while. And even still, it’s like there is a scar etched into my heart.

Needless to say it has been a tough year for us. But when we are small and beaten down, God is BIG. Bigger than it all.

Wanna know how I know?

Because my kidney would have shut down completely if I had still been pregnant—and the baby likely wouldn’t have survived. How amazing that God—in all his loving grace—saved us from that. Saved us from losing the baby later in the pregnancy. Saved me from needing a transplant. Saved us from having to make a decision we might not be able to live with.

Saved. My. Life. Period.

And then I saw finally saw the specialist last week . . . Amazing how they change their tune when God intervenes.

I don’t need the surgery. My kidney function looks great. They are going to try to wean me off my meds. AND—I can have more babies.

Let me just tell you—I have never felt more protected. More cherished.

My God is mighty to save. No matter how bleak your circumstance. No matter how great the loss. And no matter how grim the diagnosis.

He’s got you!


  1. Amy, You've been going through so much. My heart is near to you on these issues. I'm thankful to know what you've endured and I want you to know I'm open to experience things like this alongside you.
    Sending love,

  2. Beautiful post Amy! You've had so much going on at once...just doesn't seem fair. Relieved that the days are easier for you and thankful that God's presence has been mightily felt in your life. Love you girl!

    1. Thanks, Lace! God was so tangibly present through it all, it was such a good reminder of how he carries us through the storms of life. It was so hard to put this out into the wide world of cyberspace, but I knew it could be a great encouragement for others going through rough times.

      Thanks for you support!

      Love and miss you!

  3. Amy,
    Sending you a gentle hug, sweet friend -- and many, many thanks for how God walked alongside you --and before you -- during this time.

    1. Thanks Beth! He's always with us, I thought this was a great testimony of his faithfulness. Can't wait to see you in Sept and hug you in person!

  4. Hi Amy,

    What a beautiful testimony of God's love and grace! I am praising God with you. I thank God for that we can rest in His faithfulness during times such as this. I know you were able to rest in His Love during this time, and that in itself is a miracle and blessing.

  5. You are always such a wonderful support! It's funny that we know all these amazing qualities of God and yet sometimes we still need a reminder of his grace and his goodness from time to time. And he never disappoints! So incredible to know we can rest in the Lord and that he is always there to catch us!

    Love you!